The Official "Facts Only" thread

[nycclaye]

Look, I've searched. Let's take a minute to help eachother out. I tried to read a thread just now, and came up with this idea. Let's post some FACTS ONLY about the other sex. Now we don't need to get into arguments with eachother. Let's be honest fellas, if a women on here says "The way to a man's heart is thru his stomach or his d**k" we really can't argue that so don't get offended, but keep it nice. Remember we're all kinda like family.

Now let's get this started..

1- All women think about sex just as much as men

2- There's a genetic enzyme that women lack that men have to adequately digest wine. Men, realize something, that's why women at weddings get SMASHED and why it's not only more ROMANTIC to order wine at dinner, but will probably get a women more "relaxed"

[zenith931]

Originally Posted by nycclaye

Look, I've searched. Let's take a minute to help eachother out. I tried to read a thread just now, and came up with this idea. Let's post some FACTS ONLY about the other sex. Now we don't need to get into arguments with eachother. Let's be honest fellas, if a women on here says "The way to a man's heart is thru his stomach or his d**k" we really can't argue that so don't get offended, but keep it nice. Remember we're all kinda like family.

Now let's get this started..

1- All women think about sex just as much as men

2- There's a genetic enzyme that women lack that men have to adequately digest wine. Men, realize something, that's why women at weddings get SMASHED and why it's not only more ROMANTIC to order wine at dinner, but will probably get a women more "relaxed"

Women lack an enzyme to properly digest alcohol as well as men do, not just wine. A reason why our tolerances are so low.

[Axian]

Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.

[Axian]

Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn't need toys if women had an "on/off" switch.

[Axian]

Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man wants to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.

[Axian]

Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you'll have a pretty good idea about how she'll be in bed.

[Axian]

Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

[Axian]

Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men out because they "left the seat up" instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves.

[nycclaye]

Women play mind games about their looks. They want to feel secure in their physical appearance so it's our job to play along and let them ask "Do I look fat?" and always answer "Baby, you look the same as when I fell for you".

[Axian]

Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.

[KingMarineM16a4]

Originally Posted by Axian

Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.

Quoted for m f'ing truth, that's Leah (my GF) 100%.

Fact: Vandergriff Honda sucks!

[nycclaye]

The only 5 words that will ALWAYS get a man outta trouble when said with sympathy...

"I'm sorry"

"I love you"

[Axian]

If you see this describing a woman in a personal ad, here's what it really means:

40-ish - 48

Adventurer - Has had more partners than you ever will

Athletic - Flat-chested

Average looking - Ugly

Beautiful - Pathological liar

Contagious Smile - Bring your Penicillin

Educated - College dropout

Emotionally Secure - Medicated

Feminist - Fat; ball buster

Free spirit - Substance user

Friendship first - Trying to live down reputation as slut

Fun - Annoying

Gentle - Comatose

Good Listener - Borderline Autistic

New-Age - All body hair, all the time

Old-fashioned - Lights out, missionary position only

Open-minded - Desperate

Outgoing - Loud

Passionate - Loud

Poet - Depressive Schizophrenic

Professional - Real Witch

Redhead - Shops the Clairol section

Ruebenesque - Grossly Fat

Romantic - Looks better by candle light

Voluptuous - Very Fat

Weight proportional to height - Hugely Fat

Wants Soulmate - One step away from stalking

Widow - Nagged first husband to death

Young at heart - Toothless crone

[Axian]

Oh man... I am going to get in serious trouble before this thread is over...

Oh well..

ELEMENT
Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don't even go there!)

Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.

Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

[Axian]

Yet another one... and Yes, I am a dead man.

The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good). We always hear "the rules" from the female point of view... Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

[gibbletz]

52 Reasons To Have A Beer Over A Woman
1. You can enjoy a beer all month long.

2. Beer stains wash out.

3. You don't have to wine and dine beer.

4. Your beer will always wait patiently in the car while you play football.

5. When your beer goes flat, you toss it out.

6. Beer is never late.

7. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.

8. Hangovers go away.

9. Beer labels come off without a fight.

10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.

11. Beer never has a headache.

12. After you've had a beer, the bottle is still worth 5 cents.

13. A beer won't get upset if you come home with another beer.

14. If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head.

15. A beer always goes down easy.

16. You can have more than one beer in a night, and not feel guilty.

17. You can share a beer with your friends.

18. You always know when you're the first one to pop a beer.

19. Beer is always wet.

20. Beer doesn't demand equality.

21. You can have a beer in public.

22. A beer doesn't care when you come.

23. A frigid beer is a good beer.

24. If you change beers you don't have to pay alimony.

25. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.

26. You can't catch social diseases from a beer.

27. When you're interrupted by a beer, it's for a good reason.

28. A beer is always satisfying.

29. A beer gets lighter the longer you hold it.

30. A beer won't tell you it's pregnant for fun.

31. A beer doesn't have in-laws.

32. No matter what the package, a beer still looks good.

33. To cool off a beer, all you have to do is put it in the ice box.

34. All you have to do to get over a beer is take a leak.

35. Beer doesn't complain about farting.

36. The only thing a beer tells you is when it's time to go to the bathroom.

37. You are never embarrassed about the beer you bring to a party.

38. It's okay to leave a party with a different beer than you arrived with.

39. Beer won't drive you to drink.

40. You can shoot a beer.

41. A beer chaser is easy to catch.

42. You don't need a license to live with a beer.

43. A tree is good enough for a beer.

44. Beer doesn't grow hair where it shouldn't.

45. Beer doesn't care how much you earn.

46. Beer and Ice don't mix.

47. Beer won't complain about your choice of vacation.

48. Beer doesn't care if you go to sleep right after you've had it.

49. Beer is happy to ride in the trunk of your car.

50. You never have to promise to respect a beer in the morning.

51. Beer never complains about the wet spot.

52. You can put all your old beers in one room, and they won't fight.

[Jardiniboy]

Originally Posted by Axian

Yet another one... and Yes, I am a dead man.

The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good). We always hear "the rules" from the female point of view... Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

I saw this on myspace.

[zenith931]

Originally Posted by Axian

Yet another one... and Yes, I am a dead man.

The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good). We always hear "the rules" from the female point of view... Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!

Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Ok, if I agree with 99% of those, does that make me a guy?