one of those days

[janaka]

....

[Nighthawk07]

so are you still "engaged"? or did you tell her she misunderstood?

[jonebone]

Ahh, the all too familiar "boy meets girl, boy buys girl ring, girl misinterprets ring, boy falls for another girl" story. But seriously, a ring? I would never buy my girl a ring simply because I'd be scared as hell to have it misconstrued like this.

Earrings, bracelets, necklaces... never the ring

Nonetheless, you HAVE to be up front with her now. You've lead her on with this false sense of security for way too long. Be a man and confront her. Life ain't easy my friend.

[janaka]

married.
things got better and it seemed to make sense during the engagement.
now not so much.
it pains me like u can't believe

[jonebone]

Originally Posted by janaka

married.
things got better and it seemed to make sense during the engagement.
now not so much.
it pains me like u can't believe

Oh god, married?!?!?!?!!?!


Talk about digging your own grave

[dmx]

Let me get this straight...
..You're married now because you felt obligated to marry this girl after she misunderstood the ring as an engagement ring.

... Honestly bro, im disgusted with the way things are now a days in this so called 'modern' world that we live in. People dont believe in the sanctity of marriage anymore. Now that you are married to this girl, make the best of it. Theres people in this world that get arranged married to someone they have never met, and make it work out. There is absolutely NO reason why you cannot make THIS work out. Every problem can be solved when addressed, and if not theres marriage counselors and what not.

.. I personally dont believe in counseling, i dont think u should need a machine telling you how to feel. They dont do anything anyway, they jst help you talk to each other. Why pay $100/hr to have someone help you talk to each other when u can jst do it urself.

... And everytime u see this 'other' girl, imagine how you would feel if you're wife was out with some other guy feeling the same way u are about her. Nothing will hurt you more.

Karma is a bitch.

[Vince]

Originally Posted by janaka

...to compound things i ran into an old gf from home about a month ago, who i found out is now engaged to a guy... we've hung out a bit, nothing too serious but its really got me questioning this more and more. its amazing how much i enjoy being with this other person even though there is nothing going on. just friends being together spending time, catching up, she's an awesome girl.

...there's plenty goin on, you just haven't acted on it. YET. This kind of thing is NEVER, EVER good for a relationship. Men and women can be friends by all means, but when you start running together minus your respective SO's or spouses, it doesn't work very well.
Good Luck whatever comes of it, but I'd quit running with this girl if now if you value whatever this other realationship is...(I couldn't make out if you're married or still 'dating').

[pineapple]

i dont have anything to say because i give bad advice.. but best of luck

[janaka]

my marriage isn't bad by any means. and i'm not cheating on her with this other girl.
does our marriage work? yes. is this as happiest i could be? no honestly i don't believe so.
counseling isn't something that will correct this, as its not something that is 'wrong' with our relationship. its not like we argue constantly, are abusive or anything like that, I'm just the happy person I could be.

ah the old put yourself in her shoes... it would be different if I was having a physical relationship with her, but we aren't. She's a coach of a basketball team and I go watch her team play and i hang out with the parents of the kids while she's coaching. afterwards if the team goes out for food i tag along or we go grab a coffee and shoot the shit. its a friendship. I"ve known her for years (8 yrs now?) and she is a good person and was a great friend to me when i needed it. she was a better friend to me back in the day then I was to her when we were closer. we dated for a while when we were younger and we split up when i moved away for school and as it turned out she moved out here too for school...
anyway there's more off my chest.

karma is a bitch i know. i've made mistakes in my past that if I hadn't i probably wouldn't be having this post. i have come to realize this and i truly regret my past actions.

as they say the sadest two words are "what if"

[janaka]

Originally Posted by Vince

...there's plenty goin on, you just haven't acted on it. YET. This kind of thing is NEVER, EVER good for a relationship. Men and women can be friends by all means, but when you start running together minus your respective SO's or spouses, it doesn't work very well.
Good Luck whatever comes of it, but I'd quit running with this girl if now if you value whatever this other realationship is...(I couldn't make out if you're married or still 'dating').

she's engaged and happy, i have more respect for her and her fiancee than i can put into words. i'd not act on my feelings to ensure that she is happy. read above post, she was a better friend to me than i was to her in the past. i will do anything to make sure that she's happy. i wouldnt stand in the way of that. my wife knows that i go to see her coach, its not like i hide that from her, she knows the history of our relationship in full.

[dmx]

Happiness is within you bro. The grass always seems greener on the other side but it isnt, its just an illusion.

You will never be happy unless you find it within you to be happy. You can make the best of any situation. Theres bums in the street that wont have it any other way cuz they are happy. When life gives you a lemon, make lemonade.

[janaka]

Originally Posted by pineapple

i dont have anything to say because i give bad advice.. but best of luck

an honest post. i appreciate it.
i'm not really looking for advice, more just to not have to bare this on my mind alone. any advice/thoughts/experiences i hear is just a bonus at this point.

i just want to be able to sleep and to be happy.
i can only workout at the gym so much and wash the cars and go fro cruises to distract myself. hell i've put on almost 17lbs in the last 8weeks of muscle and put a new stereo into my 76 datsun and its just not enough. i need to get it out and that's why its here.
/random rant

[janaka]

Originally Posted by dmx

Happiness is within you bro. The grass always seems greener on the other side but it isnt, its just an illusion.

You will never be happy unless you find it within you to be happy. You can make the best of any situation. Theres bums in the street that wont have it any other way cuz they are happy. When life gives you a lemon, make lemonade.

never have truer words been spoken.
i just don't know how to be happy.
its weird, i'm 24, have my degree, started a career making more money than I ever imagined at my age, have a house, my civic (shameless plug) a summer car (see datsun above) and someone who loves me (most days anyway.lol) but i'm not happy for some reason. its just not right.

ever since my parents split in 2000 i havent been the same, ironically same time i broke up with above girl when i moved. i dont have a relationship with my father any more (he didn't come to my university grad, barely came to the wedding) and we haven't spoken in almost a year. my perspective of what happiness is must just be jaded. i just don't get it...i SHOULD be happy, but i'm not.
its pathetic i know.

[jonebone]

Originally Posted by janaka

hell i've put on almost 17lbs in the last 8weeks of muscle and put a new stereo into my 76 datsun and its just not enough.

Just a point of criticism, 17lbs of muscle in 8 weeks is entirely impossible. 17lbs of weight is another story, but if you think thats all lean muscle then you have a lot to learn about how the body works, metabolizes energy, and how fast muscles can regenerate. Some of the weight is water, and some is fat as well.

/end threadjack

[janaka]

Originally Posted by jonebone

Just a point of criticism, 17lbs of muscle in 8 weeks is entirely impossible. 17lbs of weight is another story, but if you think thats all lean muscle then you have a lot to learn about how the body works, metabolizes energy, and how fast muscles can regenerate. Some of the weight is water, and some is fat as well.

/end threadjack

you are right. i put on 17lbs... it most likely was not all muscle.
that said strength is thru the roof... that's for correcting me

[jpik2003]

You only live once man... if your truely not happy, talk to her about it. No point in going along in the marriage if your not fully dedicated.

[e60.deluxe]

i have a few questions for you.

1. are there any kids?
2. do you love your wife?
3. how long have you known her?
3. do you remember why you broke up with your ex girlfriend?

[janaka]

Originally Posted by e60.deluxe

i have a few questions for you.

1. are there any kids?
2. do you love your wife?
3. how long have you known her?
3. do you remember why you broke up with your ex girlfriend?

1. no kids. this is one reason why we haven't had any yet, although i haven't said for this reason.
2. do i love her? yes.
3. going on 4yrs
3. (#4?!) it was becuase i moved across the country and at the time i wasn't able to deal with a long distance relationship at the same time as trying to deal with my parents split (they told me 2days before i left to move 1800miles away). we tried the LD relationship but I couldn't do it, my mind was at warp10 at that time. I was a mess. very similiar to how i am now looking in retrospec... had i not transfered universities to here from 'home' we probably wouldn't have broken up as we would have been only an hour away which we could have dealt with.... enter another "what if" here...

[Razor4ever]

Somehow I know how You feel man, never been married though.. You may love her as You said, but I think thats different love than You expect from life to bring You. What I mean is that You accept her, but she isnt THE ONE for You. Its like Your lacking of Your soul mate. I once dated this girl, she was everything to me, because I felt that she's my second half. I had to dump her cuz of my parents, and for some other significat reason. Now Im with someone and I love her too, but its just not the same.

For the 2nd part of my view I share the same thoughts as other members here, "The grass always seems greener on the other side but it isnt, its just an illusion." this is something really true man. Think about it, if You have everything, and even more than You wanted to achieve (or expected) dont ruin it. Give the whole marriage a chance, I can see that You had a hard past. Dont forget to work on Your family relation also, sooner or later it will bug You (I mean the whole father-son contact). From my point of view Your just having a depression like many other Young people.

My advice is: Sit down and think what You really want in life, if You come up with anything, than change something. If not, cherish what You have. Oh and for real! talk to Your wife about it, how You feel etc. Just dont make it sound like You wanna break up with her.

BTW: Im a simillar person to You, its hard for me to be happy in life, but I try to change it.

GL MAN!

[janaka]

Originally Posted by Razor4ever

Somehow I know how You feel man, never been married though.. You may love her as You said, but I think thats different love than You expect from life to bring You. What I mean is that You accept her, but she isnt THE ONE for You. Its like Your lacking of Your soul mate. I once dated this girl, she was everything to me, because I felt that she's my second half. I had to dump her cuz of my parents, and for some other significat reason. Now Im with someone and I love her too, but its just not the same.

i don't think that i could have found those words to describe it, but thats pretty much it to a "T".