I said some awful things to my fiance in a heated argument and feel horrible now.

[bikinpunk]

Me and the mrs. got into it today. We argue ocassionally, maybe once every couple months but its little quibbles about why we don't need more furniture or why I don't need an iPod, etc etc. However, this was on a whole new level. I feel like I don't get much time to do things I want to, and she's working all the time so she feels we don't spend enough time together. Today she literally lost it and went into a blind rage, just cussing at me (first time I've EVER seen her this mad in 4 years) and that triggered me and we cussed each other out. She hit me in the chest and I called her a bitch to her face a couple times. I don't even cuss and I chewed her out up & down. We worked things out between us, but god, I feel horrible. I've grown up being made to feel like shit and I always say I'm never going to treat anyone the way my dad has treated me. He doesn't beat me, and as a matter of fact is a pretty good dad, except he's always made me feel like I can't do things and does the same to my brothers. He and I have had a few major falling outs over the issue as well. I told Lindsey that if I ever treat my kids like that to smack me upside the head, don't even try to tell me, just smack me because sometimes I catch myself doing it too. I've had a few violent outbursts but never at anyone. It usually consists of me getting mad at myself because I've failed at something or I can't do something right and just cussing like a sailor and punching things. Within the past year or so it's just getting worse. My old man even made me feel like shit so bad that I hung up on him and just cried sitting in the Home Depot parking lot. My fiance told my mom about it, who told my dad, who apologized to me, but I just brush it off until something comes up later and I blow up. I'm honestly thinking about seeing someone so I can learn to deal with my anger better. I just needed to get this off my chest and vent/whine about how I hate myself for saying horrible things to a woman I truly love with all my heart. Don't get me wrong. She knows I love her, and I'm the near perfect gentleman. I buy her flowers ocassionally, give her foot massages, etc etc, and I truly believe that it's just wrong to even look at another woman because I don't want her to feel like there's something wrong with her. I dunno, it just kind of scares me that my anger got to me so bad that I didn't care what I said, as long as I hurt her feelings back. I saw something in me today that I never want to see again, and I feel like I deserve a beating for making her feel like crap.

[06Fg2]

Just make sure that you tell her you love her.....ALWAYS. It will make her feel soooo much better. Maybe you need anger management classes. My little brother does because he gets extremely pissed sometimes, but he is mostly a calm person.

O and by her something too.

[bikinpunk]

Originally Posted by 06Fg2

Just make sure that you tell her you love her.....ALWAYS. It will make her feel soooo much better. Maybe you need anger management classes. My little brother does because he gets extremely pissed sometimes, but he is mostly a calm person.

O and by her something too.

Well, we talked about our blow-up immediately because we are both the type of people who like to resolve things quickly. We both believe life is too short to spend one minute mad at each other. We have a very strong bond. After the argument, I apologized for yelling at her, and she apologized for the same. We then went to consult with a lady who's making our wedding cake. We are over it as far as arguing goes, but I just don't like myself for saying what I said. period. I became today what I work hard not to be.

[dmx]

i know how you feel.. I'm the same way.. i hate it, the anger takes over and you dont control what you say.. I know i do it, it happens a lot but i cant control it when it happens.

[skittleslegend]

I'm going to be perfectly honest with you:

I understand completely where you're coming from. By nature, I'm a very quiet, very reserved, very helpful, and very loving person. I make friends easily, but they don't always stick around or have my back, so I tend to get walked all over and back-stabbed. While it sounds like a big deal, it's really made worse because I love and dislike very passionately (I don't hate...that's too much energy to waste). I once got into a fight because some dude decided he was going to pick a fight with me because I was with my girl at the time and he thought I was going to let him treat her like shit. He got in my face and I went to move out of the way and he decided to try to embarrass me in front of everybody and pushed me. And I snapped. I won't get into what I did exactly, because it felt like a blackout and I honestly don't remember but when I came to my right hand and sleeve had blood all over it and I was standing over him while he was unconscious. People, including my girl, had my arms pulling me off of him. All this coming from me; one of the sweetest Aquarians probably in the world. I've since gotten help from friends and family and have been much happier (despite my constant dispositions this past year).

While this doesn't pertain to a relationship, I can tell you all you can really do is learn to communicate with her when things are bothering you. You can't take back what you did or said, but you can prevent it from happening again and getting much, much worse by just talking to someone. If someone does something that you don't agree with, don't let them walk all over you. You snapped on her because you didn't communicate all of the things you should've communicated probably for as long as you can remember. Probably with her or with anybody else. Learn patience and learn to really talk to her and I can practically guarantee you'll be less likely to have this kind of reaction to her. Unfortunately, women are the achilles heel of almost all men, whether we admit it or not. Often times, when they love you as much as they do, they know they can't fight with you physically, so they try to get to you mentally. You'll hurt a woman plenty if you brush it off when she does that. And in those cases, you won't feel as bad.



Not to mention, when she comes around to apologize, the make-up sex is always great....

So just tell her how much you love her and tell her you're sorry. That's about all you can do.

[dmx]

lol im an aquarian.

[skittleslegend]

When's your birthday? Mine is the 30th of this month.


Two aquarians make an Aquarium....

:)

[dmx]

February 1st ;]

[PoLiShPrInCe]

feb 15th ... make up sex ftw

[SIcBoy]

dont worry about it. me and my misses get into it all the time. but then we make up and its all good

[Type X]

[Cybergypsy]

Originally Posted by dmx

lol im an aquarian.

me too Jan 24IH

[skittleslegend]

Originally Posted by Cybergypsy

me too Jan 24IH

6 days before me.....


January 24th seems to be a REALLY common day for births...lol

[GeezerSi]

Sometimes when I can see a situation between me and my wife that's going to just get really bad, I'll tell her I have to get away for a few minutes to cool off. I've explained to her to understand that this is for me to prevent an argument from getting really bad. So far this has helped to prevent regrets later. Otherwise I tend to let the moment get the best of me.

[Janizary]

Originally Posted by bikinpunk

...I feel like I don't get much time to do things I want to, and she's working all the time so she feels we don't spend enough time together.

You just described a very typical 'new' firm (as in committed, engaged, or newly married) relationship issue faced by many, many couples. My wife does relationship counseling (she is a f/t teacher, but has her masters in counseling with a small, yet lucrative private practice) and this topic comes up again and again.

Many of the women (and quite a few men) my wife counsels feel that their new husband (or wife), fiance', etc. is now 'theirs' and they 'must' stop hanging out with the 'boys' and devote themselves entirely to the relationship (as in, "you've had your fun, but now you are mine and it is time to grow up and devote yourself to me and our life"). That is one of the first things they need to be disabused of. People, for the most part, still require (at least in part) some form of life separate from their relationship (at least in modern relationships where both parties are somewhat educated).

That said, how you both resolve that in your relationship is up to you. Clingy, domineering, possessive, and co-dependant individuals will have an extremely hard time with this concept. However, better that it is addressed now than 2, 8, 10 years down the road leading to a messy bitter divorce, alimony, and child support. (Thankfully, I've had to deal with none of that, however, I set the bar high, and made it quite clear that my life is still 'my' life, that it would be shared, but not 'owned' by anyone...well, except maybe my kids )

[337]

It's OK man, best thing to do is walk away sometimes. But, as long as it's just words, words can be forgiven. Hitting can't and if it got to hitting or something then you should be a lil worried.

I have been married for almost 3 years now. I met my wife about 8 years ago now and she was very jeleous of any girl that talked to me. Before we were officially dating she caught me getting it on with another girl in my room and totally flipped out and swung on me. I didn't talk to her for weeks till we talked about it and I told her if she ever tried that again that would be it. She still gets real jeleous but has grown up a lot since then. We have gotten into some heated arguements since then, real heated (and usualy over dumb stuff) and I have said things I felt bad about, but in the end I have a breaking point and told her never to bring me to that point b/c when the adrenaline(sp) gets going it takes me a while to cool down. If it is getting to that point it is better to go take a drive or a walk and cool down some and then talk it out.

[2000civic]

Im sure you will be fine. You seem like a good guy, a few problems but hey who the hell dosent right? Try to work on it, and move on. You seem to care alot about how you treat her and Im sure she respects and is gratefull that. Everybody blows up some time, its just a heat of the molment thing. No biggie, if you really are unhappy about the way you acted then you will try to fix that so it dosent happen again. Good luck

[berlinas2k2]

agreed ^^

[honda06si]

Originally Posted by berlinas2k2

agreed ^^

wtf this thread is old

[bikinpunk]

Originally Posted by honda06si

wtf this thread is old

x2. Thought this was dead.