Advice Needed regarding spouse's smoking...

[Kakashi]

Originally Posted by louieinyo

Are you serious if you love this girl you would not care if she was smoking crack.Who cares if she smokes,don't be such a wuss.Your lucky she is not smoking your friends pole.

+1.

[6spdChick]

Well, I spoke to her about it and basically she told me "you've got health issues and debt to pay off" and turned it around on me. She says that I'm responsible for my issues and she's responsible for her issues, and if I choose not to deal with my own, then she won't care... so she says. So deal with my issues, and don't even speak to her about hers (despite the fact that I find it very unattractive to be laying in bed with someone that reeks). She then went outside and had a smoke in front of me.


That right there is disrespect in it's finest..... MOVE ON!!!! It's one thing to smoke on her own time and maybe shower to be considerate of you when you will be in bed together or brush her teeth. But, to turn your concerns around onto you, then go smoke in front of you. That's wrong in every sense of the word. If she's going to disrespect you like that then I don't want to know what else she would do.

[MutantCheese]

Originally Posted by 6spdChick

That right there is disrespect in it's finest..... MOVE ON!!!! It's one thing to smoke on her own time and maybe shower to be considerate of you when you will be in bed together or brush her teeth. But, to turn your concerns around onto you, then go smoke in front of you. That's wrong in every sense of the word. If she's going to disrespect you like that then I don't want to know what else she would do.

I agree 100%

[louieinyo]

You need to develop a smoking fetish.Have her give you b.j. while she is smoking a ciggarette.You will start buying her cartons.

[darna]

hats off to you, bro, for approaching it w/ calmness. i could never do that.

if it'd be me, i would be jealous... mad as hell, if i find my girl hangin out w/ my roommate.

but it's just me...

damn, i should stop watchn soap' on tv, it's gettn me crazy.

[Wilson]

Originally Posted by 6spdChick

That right there is disrespect in it's finest..... MOVE ON!!!! It's one thing to smoke on her own time and maybe shower to be considerate of you when you will be in bed together or brush her teeth. But, to turn your concerns around onto you, then go smoke in front of you. That's wrong in every sense of the word. If she's going to disrespect you like that then I don't want to know what else she would do.

+1

Lack of respect for partners views/feelings = no future together

[Yodums]

Originally Posted by louieinyo

Are you serious if you love this girl you would not care if she was smoking crack.Who cares if she smokes,don't be such a wuss.Your lucky she is not smoking your friends pole.

You are blowing the situation out of proportion. Put yourself in his shoes for a second. You just don't drop out of a long term relationship that easily.

Cigarettes is just a small problem in his situation. It's what cigarettes has forced her to do - lie.

By the way, your post was not the least bit funny.

[louieinyo]

Originally Posted by Yodums

You are blowing the situation out of proportion. Put yourself in his shoes for a second. You just don't drop out of a long term relationship that easily.

Cigarettes is just a small problem in his situation. It's what cigarettes has forced her to do - lie.

By the way, your post was not the least bit funny.

How am I blowing the situation out of proportion?He's harassing his poor girlfriend because she smokes.I'm the one saying you don't break up with someone you love just because they smoke.Breakup with her if she banging your friend.

[Kakashi]

Originally Posted by louieinyo

How am I blowing the situation out of proportion?He's harassing his poor girlfriend because she smokes.I'm the one saying you don't break up with someone you love just because they smoke.Breakup with her if she banging your friend.

+1 again.

[Cybergypsy]

Originally Posted by MutantCheese

I hate say this brother, but it may be time to move on. If the smoking is such a disgusting habit in you eyes, and she has no desire to quit, then you are at a stalemate.

Call it a day, cut your losses devide your CD's and part as friends.



OR! Live with the smoking.

+1

[CaliGuy]

Originally Posted by MutantCheese

I hate say this brother, but it may be time to move on. If the smoking is such a disgusting habit in you eyes, and she has no desire to quit, then you are at a stalemate.

Call it a day, cut your losses devide your CD's and part as friends.



OR! Live with the smoking.

Mike, I've discussed this with you before. At this point I must agree with the above poster...

It's time to take a hard line bro. Tell her she quits and stops lying or thats it...plain and simple...or live with it.

This has been an ongoing problem for you two. Since we last discussed this it appears things have only gotten worse. Do you really think they will get better?

It sucks balls to throw away a relationship, but it's only going to be worse as time goes on. I say cut your losses now or just deal with it. end of story.

Sorry to be a hard ass, but I'm trying to look out for you man...:)

[TommyD]

You need to be a man and bounce. That lady has some issues that aren't going to get solved. She is starting to rebel and it's only going to get worse. Do yourself a favor and get out now, it will save you some serious hassle.

[CHRIS]

Originally Posted by louieinyo

Are you serious if you love this girl you would not care if she was smoking crack.Who cares if she smokes,don't be such a wuss.Your lucky she is not smoking your friends pole.

can it

[CHRIS]

Mike,

i have the same kind of problem with my g/f of 3+ years. The whole trust part though.

drives me nuts how she looks through my phone, i have caught her several times and how she always asks "who's calling?"

i hate that $hit

come to Manhattan, we'll chill and i'll show you around...good times here man

[dentrecords]

[quote=mikepesikan]

Originally Posted by Wilson

I think that the smoking seems to be something that she is falling back on due to something else going on in your relationship. Changes in behaviour like this can (not always) be signals of much deeper problems that absolutely need to be dealt with asap.QUOTE]

Everyone is skirting around it so I'll be the bad guy and say it. First you asked, second I hope i"m wrong & I apologize if I am.
Reading between the line's I think the problem is this:
When you go on night shift your girl & roommate have a party, and she goes to the bar with him. And the pack of smokes you found in her car, is she trying to fool you about smoking or are they hanging out together. I would be jeaulous as hell, only natural. Even if there's nothing going on, it's not appropriate behavior. And will lead to Trust Issues.
Your angry & hurt and have become the relationship police, searching for clues, this behavior only makes things worse by pushing her away. And her, as quoted above, smoking, not being honest, sneeking around to smoke.
Brother, I've been there. I was in a relationship with an alcoholic, different story but the same behavioral patterns. When she was drinking she was a liar, even when she didnt have to she lied. When she was sober she would do things to punish herself for what she had done. One day I decided that I wasnt going to be the cop anymore, she was going to do what she was going to do regardless of what I did.
If your relationship is going to work you need to be her best friend and lover, taking it to the next level would involve getting your own place, and maybe a job where you could be home at night, all the time. She needs to make and hangout with her own friends, not yours when your not around.
Good luck and if I'm wrong please forgive me.

My roommate is a girl, by the way.

[dentrecords]

Originally Posted by louieinyo

How am I blowing the situation out of proportion?He's harassing his poor girlfriend because she smokes.I'm the one saying you don't break up with someone you love just because they smoke.Breakup with her if she banging your friend.

I'm sorry, but I do find your comments are out of line. My roommate is a girl, and I'm pretty sure they aren't banging each other.

Bottom line, when I met her, she was not smoking. Two and a half years into the relationship, I would expect her to be upset if I became an overnight alcoholic and tried constantly to hide if from her and lie to her point blank with very direct questions.

I'm almost willing to bet you're a smoker, from the tone of your reply.

[louieinyo]

You amaze me your saying being an alcoholic and being a smoker are the same now.So if i smoke a few ciggs I might crash and kill a few people or bang a fat chic?

You should be worried about her meeting new guys that are more fun and have a better personality than you,when she go's on ciggarette break.Since smokers are shunned at bars,restaurants and work you are forced to smoke outside so you always end up talking to the stranger having a cigg too.

[CaliGuy]

Originally Posted by louieinyo

You should be worried about her meeting new guys that are more fun and have a better personality than you,when she go's on ciggarette break.Since smokers are shunned at bars,restaurants and work you are forced to smoke outside so you always end up talking to the stranger having a cigg too.

Bro, lay off the guy. He came here for help. Not to have s**t talked to him...

[louieinyo]

I'm sorry.I'm just messing with him by planting seeds of doubt.

[dmx]

why? im sure thats the last thing he needs right now.