CHUCK NORRIS is affraid of CHUCK NORRIS

***Rainman*** · 12-22-2005, 06:06 PM

I laughed so hard at work I cried. SHEMMY started this and I have to finish it. Here they are.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ******* Indian.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the **** down.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't **** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck Norris received an "A+" for writing only the words "Chuck Norris" and promptly turning in the paper.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Fishytron · 12-22-2005, 07:17 PM

i love this

Kabs · 12-22-2005, 07:30 PM

Bruce Lee > Chucky boy

**2fast4u2** · 12-22-2005, 07:49 PM

Wow

**Shemmy** · 12-23-2005, 10:21 AM

OMG this is so great! I can't stop laughing.

Quote:

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris invented the internet.

http://www.chucknorris.com/

Ep3racer954 · 12-23-2005, 10:23 AM

haha, man oh man thats so funny!

***Rainman*** · 12-23-2005, 10:31 AM

I love it. Wow. I was serriously crying I was laughing so hard.

**Shemmy** · 12-23-2005, 10:35 AM

Here's an actual picture of a young Chuck Norris. Shortly after this picture was taken the photographer was killed by a roundhouse kick to the head. His last words were, "So Chuck, do you want to be a Texas Ranger when you grow up?" As Chuck stood above the dead body of the photographer he was heard to say "Bitch, I am the Texas Rangers!"

BlackSIguy · 12-23-2005, 11:18 AM

***Rainman*** · 12-23-2005, 11:26 AM

LOL!!! Don't lie shemmy...thats YOU on the horse!!!

**Shemmy** · 12-23-2005, 11:34 AM

Don't let Chuck hear you say that!

***Rainman*** · 12-23-2005, 11:34 AM

Its like they say...
If you see CHuck... you are ok
If you don't see Chuck... you could be moments aways from your death.

**webby** · 12-23-2005, 05:53 PM

***Rainman*** · 12-23-2005, 07:44 PM

SEE!! HE IS EVERYWHERE!! President Chuck someday.

**2fast4u2** · 12-23-2005, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by webby

12-22-2005, 06:06 PM	#1 (permalink)
*Rainman* El Presidente' Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 849 iTrader: 0 / 0%	CHUCK NORRIS is affraid of CHUCK NORRIS I laughed so hard at work I cried. SHEMMY started this and I have to finish it. Here they are. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made. As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ***** Indian. If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the down. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't ** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck Norris received an "A+" for writing only the words "Chuck Norris" and promptly turning in the paper. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

12-22-2005, 07:49 PM	#4 (permalink)
2fast4u2 Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 15,603 8thcivic.com member #15 iTrader: 11 / 100%	Wow __________________

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12-22-2005, 07:17 PM	#2 (permalink)
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12-23-2005, 11:26 AM	#10 (permalink)
*Rainman* El Presidente' Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 849 iTrader: 0 / 0%	LOL!!! Don't lie shemmy...thats YOU on the horse!!!

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*Rainman* El Presidente' Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 849 iTrader: 0 / 0%	Its like they say... If you see CHuck... you are ok If you don't see Chuck... you could be moments aways from your death.

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*Rainman* El Presidente' Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Minneapolis, MN Posts: 849 iTrader: 0 / 0%	SEE!! HE IS EVERYWHERE!! President Chuck someday.