Office Policy

FujiBlueSi · 07-19-2006, 09:37 AM

My bosses have institued new policies for all employees. I figured I would get your input on them. Do you think they are fair?

Dress Code

It is advised that you come to work dressed accordingly to your
salary.

If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we
assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a raise.

If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
therefore do not need a raise.

Sick Days Sick In Bed

We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you a re able to come to work.

Personal Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

Toilet Use

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound,
the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken.

After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offenders category”. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company’s mental health policy!

Lunch Break

Skinny people (Scrawny) get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a slim fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company.We are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore,
All questions, comments,concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations,aggravations,insinuations, allegations,
accusations, contemplations,consternation and input should
be directed elsewhere.*The Management.)

**atruhondagrl** · 07-19-2006, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FujiBlueSi

Sick Days Sick In Bed

We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you a re able to come to work.

Wow. That's the Navy's policy on being sick. You have to hack up a lung or have a bad knee to get outta work.

**2fast4u2** · 07-19-2006, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FijibluSi

It is advised that you come to work dressed accordingly to your
salary.

You have to be dressed when you go to work?

**atruhondagrl** · 07-19-2006, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2fast4u2

You have to be dressed when you go to work?

Lol.

Bulld0g · 07-19-2006, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by atruhondagrl

Wow. That's the Navy's policy on being sick. You have to hack up a lung or have a bad knee to get outta work.

yup...here is some vitamin "M" (motrin) now go back to work

spunkin82 · 07-19-2006, 03:07 PM

hahaha, some funny stuff.

peliROJO · 07-19-2006, 03:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2fast4u2

You have to be dressed when you go to work?

I love strippers.

**webby** · 07-19-2006, 05:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2fast4u2

You have to be dressed when you go to work?

Quote:

Originally Posted by peliROJO

I love strippers.

she doesn't even strip. Stripping would mean she'd have clothes on first. She doesn't even start with clothes

**Yodums** · 07-19-2006, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FujiBlueSi

After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offenders category”. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company’s mental health policy!

LOL, I'm at work right now and I'm laughing at this particular part in the joke. Awesome stuff dude!

_cargirl · 07-19-2006, 05:36 PM

LOL, that's funny.

yigger · 07-19-2006, 05:37 PM

hahahaha

thats hilarious...they make sure they dont have to give you a raise huh...why so cheap w/ the governments money

peliROJO · 07-19-2006, 08:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by webby

she doesn't even strip. Stripping would mean she'd have clothes on first. She doesn't even start with clothes

That's even better!

**CameronJr9** · 07-20-2006, 09:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2fast4u2

You have to be dressed when you go to work?

brooklynscat69 · 07-20-2006, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FujiBlueSi

If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we
assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a raise.

If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
therefore do not need a raise.

Hahaa. Good one Fiji.

Fixer · 07-20-2006, 10:27 AM

The military owns stock in Motrin!! I took enough of that while in the Air Force that I had withdrawls when I retired. LOL. Brain tumor? Here's Motrin.

FujiBlueSi: It seems we work at the same place. Odd I've never run into you.

07-19-2006, 09:37 AM	#1 (permalink)
FujiBlueSi Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Queens, NY Age: 30 Posts: 2,877 Tim iTrader: 2 / 100%	Office Policy My bosses have institued new policies for all employees. I figured I would get your input on them. Do you think they are fair? Dress Code It is advised that you come to work dressed accordingly to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore do not need a raise. Sick Days Sick In Bed We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you a re able to come to work. Personal Days Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday. Toilet Use Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the “Chronic Offenders category”. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company’s mental health policy! Lunch Break Skinny people (Scrawny) get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a slim fast. Thank you for your loyalty to our company.We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, All questions, comments,concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations,aggravations,insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations,consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.The Management.) Last edited by FujiBlueSi; 07-19-2006 at 11:37 AM.*

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